Today has been one of those really great days that is extremely full of doing absolutely nothing. Or what some would call, “The Perfect Saturday.”
I have been home from school since Wednesday after I caught what is going around amongst all of my co-workers, classmates, and children I counsel. You can’t wash your hands enough to fight those kind of odds. So at 3:30am Wednesday, as I downed some cough medicine, I made the executive decision that I was calling in sick. I haven’t done that in all of my history of internships (which is extensive), so my guilt was minimal. In that moment I came up with a plan and after about 2 seconds of deliberation, I decided to implement it and bump up my trip home and go to my doctor here. You just never know about those university health centers. Plus our family physician is one of those who does not shy away from antibiotics “just in case” even if it’s probably viral. He is a friend, indeed.
So, I came home on Wednesday and nothing is basically what I have been doing the whole time. It has been nice to catch up on sleep and hang out with Mama and Daddy and last night I did venture out with my dear friend Marsha and her crew to an open mic night at one of the new coffee shops in town. It was a lovely evening 🙂
Tomorrow I will head back and gear up for another week of work and class. While the thought of getting back to real life saddens me, I am excited because tomorrow night I am meeting with my new small group for a little mexican fiesta. I am so excited about my new little group. They all seem like great girls, and I can’t wait to get to know more about them. And nothing goes better with bonding than chips and salsa. I’m pretty sure that’s in the Bible somewhere.
Then, somehow or another, I got sucked into the blog world again and started getting hooked on reading about the lives of a bunch of people I did not know. Many of these blogs were by women (many who were mamas–which I am not yet), and I found them to be smart, funny, inspiring, honest, and did I mention funny? Yet, because I found this to be an odd hobby (following the lives of fun and funny strangers), I did not really share this with those whom I love dearly, nor did I share with others that one day I got a wild hair and started up my own blog again. At that time, I was starting graduate school in a new town with lots of new people and experiences. Perfect blog material one might say. I decided to write for a little while and see how it went before telling my dear people about it. And lo and behold, despite some very fun, cool, sad, inspiring, random, and interesting experiences, the blog became silent once again.
But alas! I am going for it once again! I can’t shake this feeling that God is up to something big in my life and I want to write it all down so that I can surprise myself later with all the lessons I have learned and my ability to actually finish something. I feel like He is wanting me to write it all down and apparently all the beautiful (and empty) journals on my nightstand aren’t cutting it.
And I think I will tell my people this time. 🙂
So getting settled back into Gradville and working through all the emotions that come along with that, I have barely had time to miss my little guys. That is probably a good thing because it is hard knowing I can’t see them any time I want—-and that sadness could totally mess up my schedule of procrastinating and worrying about my future. Not to mention the fact that they grow at an immeasurable rate, and the next time I see them they will probably be getting ready to go off to college. Unless of course I go home next weekend, which I probably will. If that plan comes together, I am happy to report they will still be 1 and 4.
But in the spirit of wanting my heart to explode, Ashley sent me this email the other day. As you read it, you will see why it really made my week all the while testing my self-control as I fought not to get in my car and drive home immediately.
W must have been dreaming about you, because at I went in his room and told him Mommy was here. He So in case you thought we had all forgotten about
5:30 this morning he started calling out for
“Jenn-Jenn!!!!” He even started clapping his hands for
you to come to him and kept saying your name. I was
said, “Jenn-Jenn at home???” I told him yes and he
said, “I want Jenn-Jenn”. I told him maybe we would
see Jenn-Jenn soon.
you…..No chance of that happening. You are truly
I went in his room and told him Mommy was here. He
So in case you thought we had all forgotten about
I am happy.
I am confused.
I am inspired.
I am scared.
I am trusting in something Greater than myself to guide my fears and bring me through.
I want to help people for the rest of my life.
I am just not sure in what way my help will best be distributed.
I am worried about money.
I am content in knowing I don’t have to worry.
I am aware that obedience with money and being frugal are essential in, you know, being able to buy food in the future.
I want a job that pays well.
I am afraid I will never really have that.
I also want to one day quit that well-paying job I may never have to raise the children I will one day have with the husband I will one day have.
I basically have nothing figured out at this point.
But! I know I’m not supposed to and I OWN WHAT I DON’T KNOW.
I definitely don’t know what the future holds.
I know Who holds the future.
I know the last time you heard that cliche you fell off your dinosaur.
I am thankful.
I am blessed and thankful.
Oh yeah, and I’m thankful.
I WILL enjoy my final year in graduate school.
I will try really hard to try really hard.
I cannot promise to watch TV less.
I can promise to pray more.
And listen to God A LOT more.
Somedays I know I’ll pray and listen and some days I will get caught up in my feelings and how I want my life to turn out.
Hopefully at the end of those OTHER days, I will remember that it’s not about me.
It’s not about the money.
It’s not about being comfortable with my current abilities.
It’s more about striving to figure out what I was born for…and realizing that that could be many different things over a long period of time.
It’s up to me to be content in each season.
It’s up to me to be the person I was made to be and who most of the time I actually like.
Until I start being the person that the fears and worries and insecurities tell me I am.
I’ll continue to laugh a really great amount and do it loudly.
I will continue to drink Diet Coke.
It is delicious and I heart you forever DC.
I love so much about this crazy life with these crazy yet lovable people.
I have a lot to give.
I can’t wait to give it all.
I have been keeping the boys all this week. 8am-6pm.
It has been fun. It has been brutal. It has been an educational experience on many levels. Let’s just say, I had huge amounts of respect for stay-at-home-mamas before this, and it increased by leaps and bounds starting about 2 or 3 hours into Day One and continuing to multiply the remaining one million hours I was there.
Today we were running a few errands aka ESCAPING THE HOUSE before it closed in on us, when B summed up exactly how I feel as this long week comes to a close.
“Um, my breath is tired”
(smiling at the cuteness) “Do what now? Your breath?”
“Yes. And, Miss Jenna?”
“My feet are out of gas.”
And then I realized that being a stay-at-home-kid this week had worn B out as well. I know what you mean, buddy, I know what you mean.
The other day, whilst helping my bff Lindsay with her classroom, I met a cute pregnant gal who basically saved Lin from a meltdown of epic proportion. My dear friend is going to be teaching kindergarten this year (not to mention making her teaching debut) and needless to say the STRESS LEVEL HAS BEEN ELEVATED A BIT. And while Lin truly feels that she is doing what God has planned for her and that everything is going to be fine, walking into a blank room filled with boxes upon boxes of kindergarten paraphernalia (that unfortunately does not include directions on where it goes, what it’s for, and when it should be used) can be a little overwhelming.
Especially when you employ your best friend to help you, and it turns out that her only knowledge of anything having to do with Kindergarten stems from the year she attended. In which her only real memory is the day she threw up and got to go home early.
Enter cute and pregnant Allison, the Teacher Extraordinaire who came in and saved the day. She knew the answers to important things like what exactly Lin needed to buy, how to set up the room, and how to use the laminator which we lovingly named, The Death Trap for Cute Decor. Allison was the perfect balance of giving helpful advice and direction while also letting Lin decide how she wanted things to be.
Now the point of this story actually has nothing to do with Lin and her classroom, which is now so cute there is sugar dripping off the walls.
While eating lunch that day, there were a few moments where the conversation drifted from bulletin boards, centers, and Kindergarten curriculum to important things like, say, the beach. Allison was telling us about how she and her husband had just gotten back from the Panama City. Apparently, her husband and his family had been going to the same place for over 20-something years and to them there was just No Other Beach. I mean, gah. She told us this while rolling her eyes, and we laughed and rolled our eyes too because me and Lin are all about fitting in with cute pregnant teachers.
But, about mid-roll, I realized a couple things. 1) If my mother were there she would definitely have made a comment about my eyes getting stuck, and 2) oh, the hypocrisy at work.
Our family has been going on a beach trip every year to the same beach since my brother and I were just wee little tots. And while I know, logically and geographically, there are, of course, other beaches in the world, a summer is just not a summer until I have laid on the sandy shores of St. Augustine, FL. Alas, there is just No Other Beach to us.
So, all of that to say, I just returned home from No Other Beach, and it was the picture of a perfect va-cay. I would generally use these next paragraphs to go into detail about all the fun activities, cool new restaurants, etc, but it is hard to form paragraphs when the extent of our stay read something like this:
We woke up. We went to the beach. We had lunch. Back to the beach. We had supper. Bed time. (Add in lots of good time and good laughs with a lot of really good people). And repeat.
Like I said. Seriously perfect.